Lindsey and Richie with their children on a beach

Lindsay's Story

I lost my dad at 7 years old… I never thought history would repeat itself for my children

People don’t really think they will ever need Oakhaven Hospice. That was Richie and I, in our early forties with two young children, but we did.

I asked Richie out in a pub one night and it snowballed from there, we were married within a few months. One of the things that made me fall for Richie was his love for animals - cats and dragonflies were his favourite – we ended up with seven cats at one point!

Lauren was born a few months after we moved to New Milton and our son, Ed, completed our family shortly after. We adored life together; but doing our new house up with two very young children, we did find it stressful at times and Richie’s job was also very demanding.

Richie had always suffered with indigestion but recently it had really flared up. The GP always put it down to the stresses of life, and with him only being 40 they weren’t worried. In the end, Richie booked an endoscopy to get some real answers, without realising our lives would change forever. It was cancer.

After months of chemo the tumour had shrunk and we went in for Richie’s operation. I went into the recovery room after and he looked up at me and said, “They didn’t do it, Lindsay, I know it”. Devastatingly, the doctor confirmed this and said there was nothing more they could do. Our lives crumbled all over again.

Amidst all this, Richie’s dad died very quickly with Leukaemia. My mother-in-law had just lost her husband and was now slowly losing her son. No parent should ever have to bury their child.

We tried to keep life as normal as we could for the children, but we struggled with the lack of hope. I lost my dad at seven years old and now history was repeating itself for our children, it was an unbearable thought.

It was Easter, and Richie had become very weak. He needed help, but as it was a bank holiday all the pharmacies were either closed or didn’t stock the new medicine prescribed. I was so desperate, and Richie was so ill, I didn’t know what to do. The sense of helplessness when someone you love is so sick and you can’t help them is just soul-destroying.

A true haven

Eventually the district nurse came out, took one look at Richie and went straight down to Oakhaven Hospice to get the exact drugs he needed. The next day we went to the hospice and the staff were all incredible. They respected and appreciated all of Richie’s feelings and emotions about hospices and helped us feel at peace.

The relief on Richie’s face when he got into his room is a sight I will never forget. All the stresses of the last few months and years literally drained away from him. After a day, he wasn’t in pain anymore, it was such a gift. Richie was back with us again!

Compassion and support for all the family

The children and I were looked after too, Claire the chef would always ask what we would like to eat and got it spot on every time. The nurses and volunteers would always come in for a chat and it really felt like there was time to truly care for people at Oakhaven.

We got him home just in time for his birthday and Oakhaven’s care didn’t stop there. The community teams came out every day. They were such a lovely, caring and compassionate team, they had such empathy for us.

After six weeks at home, it was time for Richie to go back to Oakhaven. Watching the love of your life slowly disappear is hard; really hard. It was July when we said our last goodbye to Richie, my parents and his mum were with us. He was 42.

After, as we sat by the pond in the garden, the most beautiful bright blue dragonfly danced over the water and we knew Richie was right there with us. I then went home to be there for the children, telling them broke my heart all over again.

We were never going to see him again. Lauren wasn’t going to have her father walk her down the aisle and Ed wouldn’t have his dad to talk to through his difficult teenage years. It was a heavy realisation that my children would live out the same experience of loss that I had going up. I honestly don’t know what would have happened to us if Oakhaven wasn’t there.

No one truly knows how important Oakhaven really is until you need them. We all go through life, and we forget that this place is everything to someone right now. That’s why today I am asking you to join me in protecting that.

Oakhaven takes away that fear, desperation, and despair when you have no other support. We are so lucky to have it and we need to keep it. Your donation to Oakhaven today isn’t just a gift – it's a lifeline for families facing the unimaginable.

Thankyou

Lindsay

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