Building work is currently in progress at Oakhaven that may impact parking. We recommend you plan additional time before your appointment. Please contact 01590 670346 if you have any queries.

Story

Sonia and Garry’s story

by

Sonia and Garry at the beach and on their wedding day

"How incredibly lucky we are to have this amazing hospice"

Sonia and Garry's story

"My husband Garry was a wonderful, wonderful man. He was a proud father to our three boys and loved spending time with our eight grandchildren. We were so happy together for the whole of our lives. When he came into Oakhaven it was just a few weeks before our golden wedding anniversary.

It all happened so quickly – and was a huge shock. Garry was never ill, had never taken a day off work in 45 years, was always active, out and about. Two years after moving to our dream bungalow in New Milton, he suddenly started to feel really lethargic. The GP took a blood test but didn’t think it was serious. One evening we were just sitting at home on the sofa when Garry collapsed and I had to call an ambulance.

He was rushed into hospital – and that’s when they discovered the stomach cancer (which they said is really hard to detect). The doctor said Garry might have a month or so to live, a little more if he had chemotherapy, which would make him feel awful. Garry was very clear, he said he wanted to spend his final days feeling the best he could, with his family – so he turned down the treatment.

Garry came home – and I looked after him the best I could. I had help from nurses who would come in, but every day he was a bit worse – until it was clear I just couldn’t cope any more. I told the nurses there was no way I would let him go back into hospital and they suggested Oakhaven Hospice. The very next day a bed became available and they welcomed Garry in.

The care he received there was just astonishing.

There wasn’t a detail missed, not a moment without a nurse just checking Garry was OK, he was comfortable, his pillows were just right. We had all the family come in to visit him, he was never on his own – and they looked after us too. It was July, so it was warm; we would open the doors out to the garden to let in fresh air and so Garry could see out.

When Garry died he was peaceful, not in pain and we were there with him. In our loss, the memories we have of our time with him are such a comfort.

It’s only when you’ve seen this for yourself that you realise how incredibly lucky we are to have this amazing hospice to look after the people we love.

Oakhaven was 100% the right place for Garry to be and the expertise of the staff is second to none. The facilities are wonderful – but we did recognise that his room could do with a refresh and modernisation. So, we were really thrilled when the nursing team showed us the refurbishment plans (I come in every month with cake for the team!).

My son Joe has been organising some fundraising with our family and friends – and so far we’ve raised over £13,000 for the hospice. It’s inspiring for us to raise money in Garry’s memory; next year, I’ve even said I’m going to do a parachute jump! It’s comforting to know the money we bring in will help them to welcome another family like ours.

I hope everyone will realise how important it is that we support Oakhaven – and give to the summer appeal – because you never know when you might need them to look after someone you love."

Sonia

Sonia and Garry

Raising funds for Oakhaven Hospice

Oakhaven Hospice provides specialist end-of-life care to patients and support for their loved ones. Our services in the Hospice and in patients’ homes throughout our New Forest, Totton and Waterside communities are always free of charge. In addition, Oakhaven Wellbeing, based at the Coates Centre, is here for everyone in our community who is navigating a life-limiting condition, caring for a loved one or experiencing a loss or bereavement.

Just 11% of Oakhaven’s annual costs of around £9 million are covered by the NHS. For the remaining 89% we rely on the generosity of our community’s kind donations, fundraising and gifts in wills, along with the income from our charity shops and home care provider, Oakhaven Care.

Care for a Cuppa

Could you host a coffee morning or tea party to help raise funds for Oakhaven Hospice?

Register today!

Become a Moment Maker

Could you donate regularly to help Oakhaven Hospice support local families?

Give a regular donation

Wear Green Day

Wear Green for Oakhaven on Friday 24th October and donate what you can!

Find out more!

Make a donation

Steve and Rob’s story

by

Steve and Rob outside church

"I'm proud to have pledged to leave a gift in my will to Oakhaven Hospice"

Rob and Steve's story

"I've had a long relationship with hospices in general. My Dad passed away at one in 2002. So I was thrilled to be able to help Oakhaven Hospice, my local hospice, with fundraising by helping organise a half marathon to support them in 2013.

Truthfully, it wasn't until my partner Steve needed hospice care in 2022 that I fully understood how incredibly special Oakhaven is. The love and support that we both received during what was an incredibly painful time was nothing short of amazing.

Steve and I were together for 34 years and married for two. He was a very active person, and, before the world went into lockdown in 2020, we loved getting out for a cycle or walk in the countryside as often as we could. Having suffered with leg pain for over a year, at the very beginning of the pandemic, he started getting what he thought was severe sciatic pain in his leg.

When he noticed a lump in March 2020, he went to his GP and they decided that he needed to go for tests. The results showed that he had cancer and that it was terminal. The word 'terminal' is the most devastating thing you will ever hear. Steve was only 59 at the time and there were still so many things that we wanted to do together - including getting married.

Being told that you don't have long left puts your whole life into perspective. So, having committed to do it 10 years earlier, we finally decided to go ahead with the wedding.

Not long after we got married, Steve's health started to deteriorate. Having been such an active person all his life, he really struggled with the fact that he just didn't have the strength or stamina to do the things he used to do. We couldn't go away for more than a few days at a time, and the line in his chest meant that there were lots of things he simply couldn't do.

Steve and Rob on their wedding day
Steve and Rob on their wedding day

By September 2022, I could see that he was slowing down considerably. Further tests revealed that his cancer had spread and that he now had an inoperable brain tumour. We both felt completely sideswiped by this turn of events and I know that Steve felt very scared by what was happening to him. We were hanging on to any hope we could grab, but we knew it was time to think about the care that Oakhaven Hospice could give us.

I knew that Steve was going to be well looked after at Oakhaven, but I was truly amazed at the quality of care and the commitment of every single person who looked after Steve during this time.

Oakhaven Hospice was such a welcoming and inclusive place - we instantly felt like part of the family there.

Steve on holiday in Thailand
Steve on holiday in Thailand before his illness

Everyone who was staying at the same time as us had a different diagnosis and a different family makeup - but all were treated with the same warmth, care and dignity.

Oakhaven provided the peace and calm that both Steve and I needed, and with the support of all the incredible nurses, we were able to make the most of every moment we had together in those final weeks.

Steve hung on so that we could celebrate our second wedding anniversary together and he died just one day later.

Steve made sure I was going to be okay - and then he made sure Oakhaven Hospice was too.

Steve was always level-headed and practical, so it was no shock that he was adamant we discussed his finances before he died. I knew that he was passionate about leaving money to charities and I knew that Oakhaven would certainly be one of them. He made sure I was going to be okay and then set about making sure his legacy lived on.

I'm still in contact with Oakhaven Hospice - I actually still work on their website and am an active fundraiser for them, including organising a regular ten mile run. I'm so proud to know that Steve's kindness has given other families and couples the peace and support they needed, just like we did. I'm proud to have also pledged to leave a gift in my will to Oakhaven Hospice.

If we all leave a gift in our will, no matter how big or small, our support will secure the future of the Hospice. I hope you join me today."

Rob

How do I leave a gift in my will to Oakhaven Hospice?

Here is how to leave a gift in your will to Oakhaven. You will need to include our name, address and registered charity number, which are:

  • Name: The Oakhaven Trust
  • Address: Lower Pennington Lane, Lymington SO41 8ZZ
  • Registered charity number: 900215

Click here to find out more about leaving a gift in your will to Oakhaven, or to speak to a member of the team in confidence, please call 01590 677773 or email legacy@oakhavenhospice.co.uk.

Care for a Cuppa

Could you host a coffee morning or tea party to help raise funds for Oakhaven Hospice?

Register today!

Become a Moment Maker

Could you donate regularly to help Oakhaven Hospice support local families?

Give a regular donation

Wear Green Day

Wear Green for Oakhaven on Friday 24th October and donate what you can!

Find out more!

Make a donation

Mark and Carolyne’s story

by

Mark and Carolyne

Mark and Carolyne's Story

“I felt so relieved and like I could breathe for the first time in months. It was the perfect place for Carolyne.”

Hello, I’m Mark and I would like to share with you my experience of Oakhaven Hospice and the care they gave my beloved wife, Carolyne, and all our family.

It was always Carolyne for me, no one else. We were childhood sweethearts and I have forever said I’d go to the end of the earth for Carolyne, but it turned out she only lived 200 yards away!

We married when we were both 20 and had 47 wonderful years together. Our three lovely children completed our family, twins Carly and Danny, and then Natalie just over a year later. We absolutely adored life together. We loved going to the football, Carolyne was my lucky charm as The Saints would always win when she was there.

Our grandchildren started to arrive in 2006, and we ended up with seven girls and one boy! The boys are definitely outnumbered in our family, but we are all so close and live in each other’s pockets. That’s why, when Carolyne became ill, all our worlds came crashing down.

In July last year, Carolyne went to the GP with a blocked nose and was referred to the specialist. Her CT scan showed a mass and needed a biopsy, which sadly didn’t happen until February due to COVID risks. In all honestly, we knew it wouldn’t be good news, it had really grown over the months.

The biopsy confirmed our worst fears, a very aggressive rare form of cancer - it was absolutely heart breaking. They started chemotherapy but the cruel thing was that the cancer seemed to fight back against the chemo and you could see it growing every day. We clung onto hope, the alternative was too unbearable to consider. We hoped the exhausting treatment was working and that the doctor would confirm this in a few months.

Devastatingly, that day never came.

Radiotherapy was started but in the few days between the radiotherapy mask being made and starting the treatment, it wouldn’t fit as the tumour had grown even more.

Carolyne in Oakhaven Hospice surrounded by her loving family

The oncologist said they had done everything they could and nothing was working.

They asked if we wanted to carry on and saying “no” was the hardest thing we have ever had to do. Carolyne was given only 3-4 days to live, but she wasn’t having any of it. Natalie’s birthday was in a few weeks, she was determined to celebrate with her.

That’s when Oakhaven came into our lives. However, when the time came, the reality of it hit us in the ambulance on the way. It felt so final, we didn’t want to go. Carolyne was going to die and there was no other outcome.

As soon as we arrived, everything changed.

We knew we were in the right place. It was so quiet with just the birds chirping in the beautiful gardens. We had come home, Carolyne looked at me and said, “this is exactly where I want to be”. I felt so relieved and like I could breathe for the first time in months. It was the perfect place for Carolyne.

I never wanted to leave Carolyne, and the nurses never expected me to.

Natalie, Carly and Danny slept in the car as they couldn’t bear to be away from their mum. The nurses found out and immediately cleared out a room for them to sleep in, they even added flowers to the room. It’s an act of kindness we will never forget, truly above and beyond.

If Carolyne’s mouth was ever knocked it would start to bleed, in hospital it would take nearly an hour to stop, with us constantly terrified she would choke. At Oakhaven it was just as scary but when it first happened, Heather, the WardSister, came into the room with such calmness and control, quickly stopping the bleeding. In that moment it was like her whole purpose in this world was to take care of Carolyne.

During Carolyne’s three weeks at Oakhaven, we had family picnics and parties, three birthdays and enjoyed being a family. The staff encouraged us to do exactly what we needed to do. All of us could be together whenever we wanted with no restrictions. Oakhaven was opened up to us like it was our home, and it really felt like it was.

On the last night, I didn’t let go of Carolyne’s hand. She was asleep the whole time, but I knew she was aware of the amount of love in the room. I played her favourite music, Simon and Garfunkel, knowing she could hear it.

Every morning Carolyne was at Oakhaven a robin would come to her window; she always said it was her brother who had died when she was young. That morning when Carolyne died, two robins appeared… we knew it was her coming back to check we were all OK.

We spent a long time with her and when the time came for Carolyne to leave, the nurses lined the corridors with their heads bowed. Everyone at Oakhaven really make you feel so special and unique. Thought goes into everything they do and they have complete compassion and respect.

It was such a privilege to be at Oakhaven, the perfect place at such a difficult time for us all. They looked after us so well and there aren’t any words to describe it. Everything we wanted to do; we did. Carolyne spent her last three weeks surrounded by her family, all she ever wanted, and we have Oakhaven to thank for that.

We talk about Carolyne every day.

The grandchildren love coming and playing with Brian the Bear, who we won at this year’s Family Fun Day, and now proudly sits in Carolyne’s chair. It’s so importantto us to celebrate her life in everything we do.

Light up a Life is such a significant event to honour our loved ones, please join us in celebrating the lives of those we miss so much… Lighting them up for all to see.

Thank you

Find out about Oakhaven's Light up a Life services
Read more Oakhaven stories

Oakhaven takes away that fear, desperation, and despair when you have no other support.

Make a donation

One Big Thank You for Dr Jan Swallow

by

One Big Thank You Surprise Charlie Dimmock and Jan Swallow at Oakhaven Hospice

One Big Thank You for Dr Jan Swallow

On Thursday 25th July 2024, Dr Jan Swallow received a big surprise on BBC's The One Show. Her friend and colleague, Joy Elphinstone, nominated Jan to receive 'One Big Thank You' - a regular weekly feature on the TV show that shines a spotlight on people who have gone that extra mile in their community.

The One Show presenter, Alex Jones, introduced the feature: "Tonight it's all about 90 year old Jan from Hampshire and very soon we'll see the moment when Charlie Dimmock uses a drone to create a special floral surprise. But firstly this is why Jan deserves some recognition..."

Joy Elphinstone worked with Jan at Oakhaven Hospice: "Jan deserves this One Big Thank You because it was purely her strength of character that got Oakhaven Hospice started."

Thirty four years ago, Jan Swallow, who was working as a Associate Specialist in Palliative Care with Macmillan in Christchurch, was approached by Phoebe Coates who had noticed her local town of Lymington was lacking facilities for end-of-life care, that many patients need.

Without Jan's vision we simply wouldn't be here.

Phoebe Coates generously donated her garden and then her house to the project.  Jan was the Medical Director, she recruited the staff and worked tirelessly to raise the hundreds of thousands of pounds needed before Oakhaven opened its doors as a hospice in 1990. The hospice was officially opened by HRH The Duchess of Kent on 7th May 1992.

Jan Swallow in the early days of Oakhaven Hospice

A shining example and inspiration to us all

Jan very quickly realised that they needed to do some fundraising, so she led by example - and she continues to do that now over thirty years later. Five years ago on her 85th birthday, Jan took her fundraising to new heights with a skydive for the hospice.

Sue Washbrook, Day Hospice Sister at Oakhaven Hospice, shared: "For many the word 'hospice' is very frightening. But once here, patients and families find it a safe place. Her work and inspiration has touched so many peoples' lives."

Watch The One Show episode which sees gardening superstar, Charlie Dimmock, surprise Jan with a special floral message before welcoming her into the Coates Centre for some special messages from friends and those who have benefited from Oakhaven's care.

Watch The One Show episode here (Jan features about 17 minutes in)

After receiving her One Big Thank You, Jan said: "Thanks to all of you because its quite the best thing that could ever have happened to me. And I did with all of you. The best people. So there we are."

Many thanks to Duncan at Setley Ridge Garden Centre for the plants.

One Big Thank You for Jan, spelt out in a floral bed.

Make a donation

Lindsay’s story

by

Lindsey and Richie with their children on a beach

Lindsay's Story

I lost my dad at 7 years old… I never thought history would repeat itself for my children

People don’t really think they will ever need Oakhaven Hospice. That was Richie and I, in our early forties with two young children, but we did.

I asked Richie out in a pub one night and it snowballed from there, we were married within a few months. One of the things that made me fall for Richie was his love for animals - cats and dragonflies were his favourite – we ended up with seven cats at one point!

Lauren was born a few months after we moved to New Milton and our son, Ed, completed our family shortly after. We adored life together; but doing our new house up with two very young children, we did find it stressful at times and Richie’s job was also very demanding.

Richie had always suffered with indigestion but recently it had really flared up. The GP always put it down to the stresses of life, and with him only being 40 they weren’t worried. In the end, Richie booked an endoscopy to get some real answers, without realising our lives would change forever. It was cancer.

After months of chemo the tumour had shrunk and we went in for Richie’s operation. I went into the recovery room after and he looked up at me and said, “They didn’t do it, Lindsay, I know it”. Devastatingly, the doctor confirmed this and said there was nothing more they could do. Our lives crumbled all over again.

Lindsey and her children

Amidst all this, Richie’s dad died very quickly with Leukaemia. My mother-in-law had just lost her husband and was now slowly losing her son. No parent should ever have to bury their child.

We tried to keep life as normal as we could for the children, but we struggled with the lack of hope. I lost my dad at seven years old and now history was repeating itself for our children, it was an unbearable thought.

It was Easter, and Richie had become very weak. He needed help, but as it was a bank holiday all the pharmacies were either closed or didn’t stock the new medicine prescribed. I was so desperate, and Richie was so ill, I didn’t know what to do. The sense of helplessness when someone you love is so sick and you can’t help them is just soul-destroying.

Richie and the children

A true haven

Eventually the district nurse came out, took one look at Richie and went straight down to Oakhaven Hospice to get the exact drugs he needed. The next day we went to the hospice and the staff were all incredible. They respected and appreciated all of Richie’s feelings and emotions about hospices and helped us feel at peace.

The relief on Richie’s face when he got into his room is a sight I will never forget. All the stresses of the last few months and years literally drained away from him. After a day, he wasn’t in pain anymore, it was such a gift. Richie was back with us again!

Compassion and support for all the family

The children and I were looked after too, Claire the chef would always ask what we would like to eat and got it spot on every time. The nurses and volunteers would always come in for a chat and it really felt like there was time to truly care for people at Oakhaven.

We got him home just in time for his birthday and Oakhaven’s care didn’t stop there. The community teams came out every day. They were such a lovely, caring and compassionate team, they had such empathy for us.

After six weeks at home, it was time for Richie to go back to Oakhaven. Watching the love of your life slowly disappear is hard; really hard. It was July when we said our last goodbye to Richie, my parents and his mum were with us. He was 42.

After, as we sat by the pond in the garden, the most beautiful bright blue dragonfly danced over the water and we knew Richie was right there with us. I then went home to be there for the children, telling them broke my heart all over again.

We were never going to see him again. Lauren wasn’t going to have her father walk her down the aisle and Ed wouldn’t have his dad to talk to through his difficult teenage years. It was a heavy realisation that my children would live out the same experience of loss that I had going up. I honestly don’t know what would have happened to us if Oakhaven wasn’t there.

No one truly knows how important Oakhaven really is until you need them. We all go through life, and we forget that this place is everything to someone right now. That’s why today I am asking you to join me in protecting that.

Oakhaven takes away that fear, desperation, and despair when you have no other support. We are so lucky to have it and we need to keep it. Your donation to Oakhaven today isn’t just a gift – it's a lifeline for families facing the unimaginable.

Thankyou

Lindsay

Donate today
Read more Oakhaven stories

Oakhaven takes away that fear, desperation, and despair when you have no other support.

Make a donation

Ken and Pete’s 2024 challenge for Oakhaven

by

Lake Windermere

Ken and Pete's Three Lakes Dinghy Sailing Challenge for Oakhaven - Yodare 2024!

Ken Fowler and Peter Barton have challenged themselves to a unique fundraiser - sailing a Three Lakes Challenge!

Starting on Monday 1st July 2024, the duo sailed double the length of Loch Awe in Scotland (25 miles long), Lake Windermere (10.5 miles long) and Llyn Tegid in Wales, 3.5 miles long - to raise funds for Oakhaven Hospice and Cancer Research UK.

The Three Lakes Challenge

Over the last seven years, Ken Fowler has sailed an adventure on an 'epic scale' to raise an incredible amount of money for Oakhaven Hospice and Cancer Research UK. As far as Ken is aware, this 'micro-adventure' has never been done before - and it is possibly accessible to all, so they hope to inspire others to follow in their wake!

Ken explains the challenge...

"To be honest the idea originated from a challenge in another sport, climbing (not necessarily one you would link to sailing!). The Three Peaks Challenge has always intrigued me, the aim is to try and climb the three highest peaks in Scotland, England and Wales within a 24-hour window. Now, clearly as light as Yoda is, it would be a near impossible (and stupid) task to try and get my beloved dinghy to the top of these three peaks, so what could the sailing equivalent be?

We discovered the Three Lakes Challenge undertaken by canoeists where the aim is to canoe the three longest lakes in England, Scotland and Wales. No one appeared to have ever attempted this in a dinghy, so we now had the bare bones of the challenge!"

A challenge for two sailors

"Previous Yodare challenges have been solo adventures, supported by fantastic people on the shore, but for this adventure I really wanted someone to share my experiences.

So step forward the second sailor in this adventure - Peter Barton. Peter is a world champion sailor in the RS Aero and his support throughout all my adventures has been constant and amazing. Having lost both his parents to cancer he totally understands why we keep undertaking taking these fundraising challenges and was keen to participate.

With two sailors involved, we decided we’d double the challenge by sailing a return journey along the length of each lake, swapping over at the halfway point. The only problem with doubling the sailing distance of this adventure up to 130km makes doing it as a non-stop challenge in 24 hours near impossible. So rather than putting pressure on specific timings we’ve decided to just try and complete it non-stop and see how quickly we can complete it (although our target is sub 36 hours)."

Follow Ken and Pete's adventure

Ken and Pete started their epic 2024 Yodare Three Lakes Challenge on Monday 1st July 2024 at Loch Awe in Scotland which is 25 miles (41km) long. followed by Lake Windermere - at 10.5 miles (18km) long, England's largest lake. The final leg is Llyn Tegid in Wales, 3.5 miles (6km) long.

You can follow their adventures on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/goyodare) and on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/goyodare) Find out more at: https://yodare.co.uk

Click the link below to support Ken and Pete in fundraising for Oakhaven Hospice on their JustGiving page...

Support Ken and Pete's fundraising challenge
Three Lakes Promo Poster

Make a donation