Mark and Carolyne's Story
“I felt so relieved and like I could breathe for the first time in months. It was the perfect place for Carolyne.”
Hello, I’m Mark and I would like to share with you my experience of Oakhaven Hospice and the care they gave my beloved wife, Carolyne, and all our family.
It was always Carolyne for me, no one else. We were childhood sweethearts and I have forever said I’d go to the end of the earth for Carolyne, but it turned out she only lived 200 yards away!
We married when we were both 20 and had 47 wonderful years together. Our three lovely children completed our family, twins Carly and Danny, and then Natalie just over a year later. We absolutely adored life together. We loved going to the football, Carolyne was my lucky charm as The Saints would always win when she was there.
Our grandchildren started to arrive in 2006, and we ended up with seven girls and one boy! The boys are definitely outnumbered in our family, but we are all so close and live in each other’s pockets. That’s why, when Carolyne became ill, all our worlds came crashing down.
In July last year, Carolyne went to the GP with a blocked nose and was referred to the specialist. Her CT scan showed a mass and needed a biopsy, which sadly didn’t happen until February due to COVID risks. In all honestly, we knew it wouldn’t be good news, it had really grown over the months.
The biopsy confirmed our worst fears, a very aggressive rare form of cancer - it was absolutely heart breaking. They started chemotherapy but the cruel thing was that the cancer seemed to fight back against the chemo and you could see it growing every day. We clung onto hope, the alternative was too unbearable to consider. We hoped the exhausting treatment was working and that the doctor would confirm this in a few months.
Devastatingly, that day never came.
Radiotherapy was started but in the few days between the radiotherapy mask being made and starting the treatment, it wouldn’t fit as the tumour had grown even more.
The oncologist said they had done everything they could and nothing was working.
They asked if we wanted to carry on and saying “no” was the hardest thing we have ever had to do. Carolyne was given only 3-4 days to live, but she wasn’t having any of it. Natalie’s birthday was in a few weeks, she was determined to celebrate with her.
That’s when Oakhaven came into our lives. However, when the time came, the reality of it hit us in the ambulance on the way. It felt so final, we didn’t want to go. Carolyne was going to die and there was no other outcome.
As soon as we arrived, everything changed.
We knew we were in the right place. It was so quiet with just the birds chirping in the beautiful gardens. We had come home, Carolyne looked at me and said, “this is exactly where I want to be”. I felt so relieved and like I could breathe for the first time in months. It was the perfect place for Carolyne.
I never wanted to leave Carolyne, and the nurses never expected me to.
Natalie, Carly and Danny slept in the car as they couldn’t bear to be away from their mum. The nurses found out and immediately cleared out a room for them to sleep in, they even added flowers to the room. It’s an act of kindness we will never forget, truly above and beyond.
If Carolyne’s mouth was ever knocked it would start to bleed, in hospital it would take nearly an hour to stop, with us constantly terrified she would choke. At Oakhaven it was just as scary but when it first happened, Heather, the WardSister, came into the room with such calmness and control, quickly stopping the bleeding. In that moment it was like her whole purpose in this world was to take care of Carolyne.
During Carolyne’s three weeks at Oakhaven, we had family picnics and parties, three birthdays and enjoyed being a family. The staff encouraged us to do exactly what we needed to do. All of us could be together whenever we wanted with no restrictions. Oakhaven was opened up to us like it was our home, and it really felt like it was.
On the last night, I didn’t let go of Carolyne’s hand. She was asleep the whole time, but I knew she was aware of the amount of love in the room. I played her favourite music, Simon and Garfunkel, knowing she could hear it.
Every morning Carolyne was at Oakhaven a robin would come to her window; she always said it was her brother who had died when she was young. That morning when Carolyne died, two robins appeared… we knew it was her coming back to check we were all OK.
We spent a long time with her and when the time came for Carolyne to leave, the nurses lined the corridors with their heads bowed. Everyone at Oakhaven really make you feel so special and unique. Thought goes into everything they do and they have complete compassion and respect.
It was such a privilege to be at Oakhaven, the perfect place at such a difficult time for us all. They looked after us so well and there aren’t any words to describe it. Everything we wanted to do; we did. Carolyne spent her last three weeks surrounded by her family, all she ever wanted, and we have Oakhaven to thank for that.
We talk about Carolyne every day.
The grandchildren love coming and playing with Brian the Bear, who we won at this year’s Family Fun Day, and now proudly sits in Carolyne’s chair. It’s so importantto us to celebrate her life in everything we do.
Light up a Life is such a significant event to honour our loved ones, please join us in celebrating the lives of those we miss so much… Lighting them up for all to see.
Thank you
Oakhaven takes away that fear, desperation, and despair when you have no other support.
Make a donation
