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Building work is currently in progress at Oakhaven that may impact parking. We recommend you plan additional time before your appointment. Please contact 01590 670346 if you have any queries.

Living with bereavement

Bereavement session in The Hub

The death of someone we care deeply about can trigger a range of emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt or confusion.  It can overwhelm us, leaving us feeling lost, bewildered and exhausted.

Grieving for the loss of a loved one is a way of coming to terms with what has happened.  It starts the process of finding a way to adapt so that you can learn to live with the situation. There is no time limit on how long you might mourn our loss. Each individual will be different, but if you feel you aren’t coping with life, then you should consider seeking help.  For more information on support available in The Coates Centre please visit the Bereavement Support page. For a list of national and local helplines please download our list of helplines

How can I get counselling help?

Anyone who is or has been cared for by Oakhaven Hospice can access this service, this also includes the family of the patient. Please fill out our enquiry form to request support:

Counselling Enquiry Form

Alternatively you can download a printed form and bring it to Oakhaven, email it to counselling@oakhavenhospice.co.uk or post it to us at: Patient and Family Support, Oakhaven Hospice, Lower Pennington Lane, Lymington. SO41 8ZZ.

How grief can affect people

Initially you may experience shock or denial at what has happened or even find it hard to accept that the person you have lost is no longer with you.  This may cause you to believe you see that person, maybe in a shop or on the street. You may hear their voice or talk to them.  This is all perfectly natural in the early stages of grief as your mind adapts to what has happened.

You may find it difficult to eat or sleep. It is important though to ensure you eat a nutritionally balanced diet and look after your own wellbeing even if you do not currently see the point of it. Consider reading a book or listening to a mindfulness app before going to sleep. You may want to do some exercise. Whatever the intensity, it can help regulate mood and help with sleep problems.  Your immune system may be lowered and you may suffer aches and pains or fatigue.  These are all common symptoms of the body’s reaction to what has happened.

Anger is another completely natural emotion that people experience, often due to a sense of unfairness at the situation.  This may be directed at the person who has died, at yourself, other people or the world around you.  You may have new responsibilities to deal with which can seem insurmountable. Anger can trigger a sense of abandonment and of your life being out of control.

Sadness and crying are the most common responses to grief.  Not everyone cries, and it is not a sign of weaknesses if you do.  In fact it can help to release pain.  You may find there are days you get through without crying but at other times you are unable to control this symptom of grief.

Losing a loved one can result in a loss of purpose leading to despair and depression. It can trigger contemplation of our own mortality which might result in fear for the future.  In some cases, it can feel like there is no point in carrying on living.  It is very important not to dwell on these thoughts but to share your feelings with someone you know and trust who can help you focus on the positive things in your life.  For some people, it can be beneficial to enlist the support of a bereavement counsellor. If you feel you might benefit from counselling you can download Self Referral and Assessment Form to complete.

There may also be a sense of relief after a person has had a long illness, thus leaving you feeling guilty.  The same emotion might result from the idea that you didn’t do enough to help your loved one or could have prevented their death in some way.  Feelings of remorse can also be a common trigger if you have had a difficult or confusing relationship with the person.

After some time you may feel that you are having longer periods of good days.  You can think about past experiences without deep sadness and also begin to make plans for new ones. You will come to see that the past will always be with you and you can enjoy the present and the future.

In summary, it is important to give yourself permission and take time to grieve. Don’t try to avoid feelings of anger, guilt, fear or self-pity but talk to a trusted friend. No one has the same experience and others will not know what it is like for you. Everyone needs to find their own way of coping.

There is no time limit on how long you might mourn your loss. Each individual will be different, but if you feel you aren’t coping with life, then you should consider seeking help. For more information on support available in The Coates Centre access the Bereavement Support page. For a list of national and local helplines please have a look through our list of helplines

How can I get counselling help?

Anyone who is or has been cared for by Oakhaven Hospice can access this service, this also includes the family of the patient. Please fill out our enquiry form to request support:

Counselling Enquiry Form

Alternatively you can download a printed form and bring it to Oakhaven, email it to counselling@oakhavenhospice.co.uk or post it to us at: Patient and Family Support, Oakhaven Hospice, Lower Pennington Lane, Lymington. SO41 8ZZ.

Oakhaven Wellbeing News

Participants starting the Oakhaven Walk 2025 at Sandbanks

The Oakhaven Walk 2025 raises a phenomenal £168,700

The Oakhaven Walk 2025 raises £168,700 (and still counting!) for end-of-life care and support We are delighted to announce that The Oakhaven Walk 2025 has raised a whopping £168,700 (with sponsor money still coming in) to fund the delivery of palliative and end-of-life care and support provided to families throughout the New Forest, Totton and […]

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Two people having a conversation

The importance of conversation about dying matters

The importance of conversations about dying matters As part of Dying Matters Awareness Week 2025, Oakhaven’s Pastoral and Spiritual Care Lead, Lois Collings, considers conversations about and consideration of dying matters… In 2017, the BBC aired a documentary film called A Time to Live. The film followed the lives of twelve people who had received […]

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Dying Matters, three young people together

Dying Matters Awareness Week 2025 – the culture of dying matters

Dying Matters Awareness Week – The Culture of Dying Matters Dying Matters Week is an annual campaign, led by Hospice UK, that encourages all communities across the UK to open up the important conversations about death, dying, and bereavement. The theme of this year’s campaign is ‘The Culture of Dying Matters’. It is an opportunity […]

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stack of stones on a pebble beach

Stress Less for Wellbeing – a six week course at the Coates Centre

Stress less for wellbeing: a new six-week course for all Stress can affect us all in a variety of different ways. Our brand new six-week workshop explores the impact of stress on our overall daily well-being. Open to everyone in our New Forest, Totton and Waterside community, it provides an opportunity for you to consider […]

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Stretching by the beach at sunset

Outdoor Activities for Health and Wellbeing

By Karen Silverthorne Whatever you have going on in your life right now,  it’s important to pay attention to your health and wellbeing.  Looking after your physical needs can have a knock-on effect on your mental state and this can put you in a better position to help yourself and those around you. Exercise can […]

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A stack of grey pebbles on a beach

Anticipatory Grief – What Is It and How Do We Recognise It?

 By Mette Nielsen, Counsellor. Every one of us will be experiencing the loss of a loved one during our lives. Some of us will be carers for a short or a long time due to illness or a life limiting condition. We may experience feelings and emotions which we find distressing and difficult to manage […]

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A document being signed

Planning for the Future: things to consider

By Karen Silverthorne It seems there are so many extra difficulties to face at the moment and the idea of making end-of-life plans may be something you find difficult.  But by giving consideration to this now, it can lessen anxiety if you become unwell and can help those you are close to if you’re not […]

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Battery levels painting

Self Care in Bereavement

By Paula Noyce, Counsellor As a palliative, oncology and bereavement counsellor, some of the most common descriptions I hear used by those who have lived alongside loved ones through illness and death are, ‘completely drained’, ‘exhausted’, and the feeling of ‘running on empty’. It is the inevitable impact of being alongside a significant person, whether […]

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Anxiety spelled in scrabble tiles

Facing Fear: How to Cope with Health Anxiety during the COVID-19 Pandemic

By Steph McClean, Psychotherapist Throughout life, most of us keep an eye on our health and wellbeing. However, there are times when we are more anxious about our health than others. It might be that we need to go back to our GP for a persistent issue, or we need tests or scans to see […]

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Couple sitting on a bench

Having those Important Conversations about Dying and Death

By Paul Hatchard, Chaplain It’s the conversation no one wants to have isn’t it? In fact, in a survey conducted by the charity Dying Matters they found that 72% of the British public are uncomfortable discussing dying, death and bereavement. It’s true that it’s an uncomfortable subject – we’d rather not think about it. Yet […]

Read More

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t: 01590 613025 (9am-5pm admin office)
01590 670346 (24hr patient enquiries)
e: info@oakhavenhospice.co.uk (admin office,
not for patient enquiries)

Oakhaven Hospice
Lower Pennington Lane
Lymington
Hampshire
SO41 8ZZ

         member of hospice uk

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