Coates Centre

Wanted: volunteers to aid relaxation

13 September 2021 by Martin O'Neill

Volunteers with a difference are being sought by Oakhaven Hospice – their role is to aid relaxation through hand- and foot-massage.

The Hospice, in Lower Pennington Lane, Lymington, provides complementary therapies for patients, carers and the bereaved.

These wellbeing services are an important part of Oakhaven’s approach to meeting all the needs of those who have been impacted by life-limiting illness as well as their carers and people who have experienced bereavement.

The Hospice employs two trained staff and recruits volunteers to offer a range of complementary therapies including reflexology, aromatherapy, massage and Reiki. The Hospice is now looking to increase its team of volunteers.

Sally Woods, Oakhaven’s Complementary Therapy Co-ordinator, said: “We are keen to add to our team of wellbeing relaxation volunteers and complementary therapy volunteers.

“The relaxation volunteer role is unique – we can provide training and support in hand- and foot-massage and Reiki. People learn a new skill while helping our patients and making every moment matter. The role suits those looking to make a practical difference to people’s lives or thinking about a career in complementary therapy.”

Julie, a current volunteer, said: “Oakhaven was known to me as I had friends who had lost relatives who received exceptional care at the Hospice. When I wanted to volunteer some of my time it was an obvious choice. I have a background in beauty therapy, so the complementary therapy department seemed like a natural choice.

“I absolutely love my work at Oakhaven. I enjoy every aspect from interaction with patients to the relationships formed with other staff members, all of whom are friendly and supportive. Our patients get so much pleasure from the time we spend with them and in return it’s hugely rewarding for me.”

Sally added: “We are looking for qualified complementary therapy practitioners to join us as volunteers, too. This role is suitable for any professional wishing to enhance their portfolio or newly qualified people seeking to enhance their skills.”

For those intrigued to know more, there is a special Open Day in the Coates Centre at Oakhaven Hospice on Wednesday 29^th September 2021 from 9.30am to 1.30pm. The event will include the chance to talk to expert staff about volunteering and the important role of complementary therapy in Oakhaven’s work and free goodie bags.

Outdoor Activities for Health and Wellbeing

19 August 2020 by Steph McClean

By Karen Silverthorne

Whatever you have going on in your life right now, it’s important to pay attention to your health and wellbeing. Looking after your physical needs can have a knock-on effect on your mental state and this can put you in a better position to help yourself and those around you.

Exercise can provide a plethora of health benefits including helping to:

reduce your risk of heart diseases;
manage your blood sugar and insulin levels;
keep your thinking, learning and judgment skills sharp as you age;
strengthen your bones and muscles, slowing the loss of bone density as you grow older;
control your weight;
reduce the risk of some cancers;
reduce the risk of falls – something that can increase with age;
improve sleep;
improve your mood due to the chemicals that are released in your body when you exercise.

Exercise can take many forms and maybe one of the things to consider is: ‘Should I exercise indoors or out?’. Like anything, there are pros and cons to either choice.

But as the weather in this country often provides a reason to stay inside, why not take advantage of the British summer and leave exercising indoors to when the winter months arrive?

The exercise itself will help produce endorphins in your body which are a feel-good hormone that boosts your mood.

Outside activity can help ward off seasonal affective disorder (SAD), depression and anxiety because sunshine naturally increases serotonin, another hormone that has a positive affect how you feel.

Often referred to as the sunshine vitamin, being outside in the sun, gives your body a chance to produce vitamin D. This vitamin has several important functions; probably the most well-known being that of bone health. But there is also some limited research to suggest people who are depressed are more likely to have low levels of vitamin D, and people with depression who received vitamin D supplements noticed an improvement in their symptoms. More studies are needed though, before any definitive conclusions can be drawn.

If you’re unsure what type of exercise to start with and perhaps don’t want to spend a lot of money on something until you’re sure it’s the exercise for you, outdoor exercise can also be a lot less expensive than, for example, signing up for a gym membership.

Living by the sea, as so many of us do in this area, means that swimming is free, though it’s probably best not to swim alone, particularly as some of our beaches don’t have lifeguards.

If you’d prefer to stay on dry land, walking needs only a decent pair of shoes – don’t forget to take some water with you.

Cycling can be a little more expensive at the outset, but at the moment, through the Department of Transport, the government have set up a ‘Fix Your Bike Voucher Scheme’ which allows members of the public to receive a voucher worth up to £50 towards the cost of repairing a bike. The scheme is open to anyone in England who has an unused cycle in need of repair.

If you think running might be your thing, but can’t imagine pounding the streets for mile after mile, the NHS have put together a Couch to 5k plan that sets out a nine week running plan for absolute beginners and takes you to the 5k stage.

Perhaps all of this seems too energetic, but you like the idea of outdoor activity? If you’re lucky enough to have a garden, then maybe now is the time to make the most of it.

Research conducted by the University of Exeter and the RHS analysed data from nearly 8,000 people between 2009 and 2016. They found that people who spend time in the garden are significantly more likely to report general good health, higher psychological wellbeing and greater physical activity levels than those who don’t spend time in the garden.

You might want to improve the soil, redesign the layout, do some planting or even establish a kitchen garden where you can grow your own veg. Having a herb garden doesn’t take up much space and, if you enjoy cooking, could give that added satisfaction of being able to pop outside and pick what you need.

If gardening doesn’t appeal, you can still make the most of your outdoor space, whether it’s a garden, patio or balcony. Yoga, meditation or simple stretches are all transferable in the good weather. Other non-exercise activities you might like to try are painting or photography – this could be in your own garden, a public park or one of the many private gardens run by places such as the RHS and National Trust.

So why not make the most of the many outdoor activities available and improve your health and wellbeing at the same time?

References

Benefits of Exercise: https://medlineplus.gov/benefitsofexercise.html

Benefits of Vitamin D: https://www.healthline.com/health/food-nutrition/benefits-vitamin-d

Vitamin D and depression: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2908269/#__ffn_sectitle

Seven health benefits of outdoor exercise:

https://www.piedmont.org/living-better/7-health-benefits-of-outdoor-exercise#:~:text=Outdoor%20exercise%20can%20help%20ward,It%20challenges%20your%20body.

Department of Transport Fix-a-bike voucher scheme: https://www.gov.uk/guidance/fix-your-bike-voucher-scheme-apply-for-a-voucher#:~:text=Contents&text=The%20Fix%20your%20Bike%20Voucher,cost%20of%20repairing%20a%20bicycle.&text=Vouchers%20are%20being%20released%20gradually,more%20will%20be%20available%20soon.

NHS Couch to 5k: https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/exercise/couch-to-5k-week-by-week/

https://www.rhs.org.uk/advice/health-and-wellbeing/articles/study-on-the-benefits-of-spending-time-in-gardens

Anticipatory Grief – What Is It and How Do We Recognise It?

17 June 2020 by Steph McClean

By Mette Nielsen, Counsellor.

Every one of us will be experiencing the loss of a loved one during our lives. Some of us will be carers for a short or a long time due to illness or a life limiting condition. We may experience feelings and emotions which we find distressing and difficult to manage and this is known as ‘anticipatory grief’. Recognising anticipatory grief may help to make the most of the time you have together.

What is Anticipatory Grief?

You may mourn the loss of the person you are caring for even while they are still alive. The grief you are feeling may not only be for the person who is dying but the life you currently lead. Your life and relationships may have changed dramatically when you became a carer. You will have taken on a great responsibility and may find you are no longer able to plan things, which can be stressful and might leave you feeling guilty. You might have fear, anxiety or panic about “What is going to happen next?” and “How will I manage?” which can take a great toll on your mental wellbeing and stability. This may lead you to feeling unable to concentrate or being distracted. These are normal when you experience anticipatory grief.

The process of anticipatory grief is described as three stages:

Experiencing shock about the upcoming loss
Denying the reality of the loss
Eventual acceptance

What are the signs of Anticipatory Grief?

Anticipatory grief is a normal part of mourning when someone is expecting a death. The signs of anticipatory grief are similar to the grief we feel after someone has died. You may be feeling a whole host of things like anger, frustration, desperation, depression, anxiety, isolation, panic, insecurity, guilt, shame or even being fed up. These are all normal and natural to feel as part of the process.

Not everyone will experience this or you might feel reluctant to talk about how you feel because you may think that it will take the focus away from the person who is dying. Although you may feel it is inappropriate to say it out loud, you may wish that it was all over. It is also natural to feel like that. It is important to remember that we all experience grief in different ways.

Anticipatory Grief includes some differences to the grief we feel after someone has died, and you might experience the following:

Increasing concern for the dying
Imagining or visualising what the person’s death will be like
Preparing for what life will be like after a loved one is gone
Attending to unfinished business with the dying person

How can we best use this time?

This time can be particularly helpful for various reasons as it allows time to prepare and time to talk.

Allow feelings of grief to help you prepare – understand the stages of grief, how they may affect people differently. Express your feelings through talking to a friend or family member, a counsellor or a spiritual or religious mentor.
Educate yourself about what to expect – research a particular illness or condition or read about other people’s experiences and how they have overcome similar difficulties.
Connect with others may have similar experiences – contact local support groups or charities. Being able to talk about and share your experience with others who have some understanding will help to reduce stress and feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Enlist help and continue to live your life – Reach out to services such as hospices and other healthcare providers for help and advice. They can offer professional support and guidance with additional care, funding, and other financial, medical and psychological support you may need.
Include your friends and family- keep them updated on what is going on and don’t forget to ask for help and support from them too.
Create moments your loved one can enjoy – looking at photographs, reminiscing of fond memories and telling stories, playing your favourite games, listening to your favourite songs together.

You will be experiencing feelings and emotions which may be distressing and difficult to manage, however, you can minimize the anxiety and stress of anticipatory grief by staying physically and mentally healthy. Here are some helpful practices and you can do whatever you feel works best for you:

Manage your stress
Be realistic
Give yourself credit, not guilt
Take a break
Eat a healthy diet
Accept that there will be changes in your loved one’s health status
Know you aren’t alone

Helplines and information:

www.mind.org.uk

www.cancerresearch.uk

https://www.thegoodgrieftrust.org/need-know-info/pre-bereavement-advice/

Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/stonewall-strong/201908/how-resilient-people-get-through-anticipatory-grief

Planning for the Future: things to consider

17 June 2020 by Steph McClean

By Karen Silverthorne

It seems there are so many extra difficulties to face at the moment and the idea of making end-of-life plans may be something you find difficult. But by giving consideration to this now, it can lessen anxiety if you become unwell and can help those you are close to if you’re not in a position to make your wishes known.

For example, a lasting power of attorney (LPA) is a document that allows the person you appoint to help you make decisions or to make decisions on your behalf. There are two types of LPAs:

Health and Welfare LPA: this can be used to make decisions about things like life-sustaining treatment, your medical care, when to move to a care home or even your daily personal care routine. A Health and Welfare LPA can only be used once you are no longer able to make your own decisions.
Property and Financial Affairs LPA: this covers decisions about your finances, such as managing your bank account(s), collecting benefits and paying bills, as well as about your property, such as when to sell your home. If it is what you want, it can be used from the time it is registered and means that the person you appoint can help you with decisions or can act on your behalf.

You can appoint more than one person in an LPA. You should think carefully about the person or people you might want to nominate.

A solicitor will draw up a Power of Attorney for you, but you can also download a form from the government website: https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney for free. Once this is completed, it has to be registered with the Office of the Public Guardian. There is a charge for registration.

It may be, should you become seriously ill, there are some types of life-sustaining medical treatment you would want to refuse, such as being put on a ventilator or receiving cardio pulmonary resuscitation (CPR). Provided you are 18 years or older and deemed to have sufficient capacity to decide your own medical treatment, you could make a Living Will or Advance Decision so that healthcare professionals are able to follow your wishes.

Unless your requests are written down and signed by you and a witness, they cannot be carried out, should you not be in a position to make or communicate those decisions yourself. It is important to state clearly which treatment(s) you want to refuse and in what circumstances. You might want to talk to your GP to discuss options before you make up your mind. You can make a Living Will through your solicitor or the charity Compassion in Dying has a form you can use for free on their website. There is also advice about who to give a copy of your Living Will to once it has been written and signed.

Making a will is another way to ensure that your wishes are carried out after your death because you can write down what you want to happen to your possessions, money and property. You can write a will yourself, but if it isn’t straightforward, it might be prudent to get legal advice. If you pass away and you don’t have a will, the law will decide what happens to everything you own.

As many of us rely heavily on technology these days, you might also want to ensure that anything you store digitally such as photos, or accounts you might have such as eBay or PayPal, will be available to those who you would like to have access.

The Law Society recommends keeping a Personal Assets Log that includes information about your digital assets. You might want to store information on a USB drive or set everything out on paper and keep the USB or document in a safe place known only to you and those others you wish to tell.

The Bereavement Advice Centre gives more information about dealing with digital information and the British Psychological Society (BPS) has produced a video on digital legacy planning.

Funeral arrangements are something else you might want to plan in advance, although with the current Covid-19 pandemic, all funeral arrangements are subject to guidance put together by the government and can be found their website: www.gov.uk.

If you make plans now, it can give you a sense of control and cause less anxiety both now and in the future.

Bereavement Advice Centre, digital legacy: https://www.bereavementadvice.org/topics/registering-a-death-and-informing-others/digital-legacy/

British Psychological Society, video on digital legacy planning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Y3JSpGkXFI&feature=youtu.be

Compassion in Dying: https://compassionindying.org.uk/making-decisions-and-planning-your-care/planning-ahead/

Covid-19: Guidance for Managing a Funeral during the Coronavirus Pandemic: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-for-managing-a-funeral-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic/covid-19-guidance-for-managing-a-funeral-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic

Make, Register or End a Lasting Power of Attorney: https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

Making a Will: https://www.gov.uk/make-will

NHS: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/end-of-life-care/advance-decision-to-refuse-treatment/

Self Care in Bereavement

10 June 2020 by Steph McClean

By Paula Noyce, Counsellor

As a palliative, oncology and bereavement counsellor, some of the most common descriptions I hear used by those who have lived alongside loved ones through illness and death are, ‘completely drained’, ‘exhausted’, and the feeling of ‘running on empty’. It is the inevitable impact of being alongside a significant person, whether as a carer, or a witness to the last months, weeks, days and moments of a life, of trying to ‘be there’ for our loved ones in a meaningful way at an emotional time. As the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale shows us, stress, distress, or grief, (which are normal responses to loss and change) drain us.

Can you envisage your own energy levels, physical, emotional and mental, as battery capacity (see the above picture)? Significant bereavement can drain us immensely and the process of continuing to live requires us to restore our energy capacity. The meaning and purpose of self-care is to deliberately restore our energy capacity in response to events that drain us.

Worden’s theory suggests there are four ‘Tasks of Grief’;

to accept the loss
to acknowledge the pain of the loss
to adjust to a new environment
to reinvest in the reality of a new life

But these tasks are not states to achieve, more a process to accommodate a new normal lifestyle without what was lost. And, more than likely, these tasks are largely undertaken alone. When one is already feeling completely drained it can feel very overwhelming to go on.

However, it is possible to go on- so where and how to begin?

1.Recognise the flat battery. Acknowledge the exhaustion. It wears us down witnessing the decline of another person’s health, even if we are not directly caring for them. We are drained:

Emotionally– experiencing feelings of sadness, helplessness, the effort of trusting people we don’t know, even if they are professionals.
Physically– through added responsibilities, practical jobs, tensions from emotions and thoughts are caught in the body, as if we physically try to hold the world together, resisting the changes (suggested further reading below).
Mentally– the experiences challenging faith, beliefs and altering what gives meaning to our lives such as occupational and family role

2.Begin recharging. To work with the exhaustion, we must simply attend to the fundamentals of living, regular food, hydration and rest, to tend to our depleted selves.

3.Building the energy charge. When we are hurting and everything has changed who are the people and what are the pastimes and environments which support, sustain and energise you in the new circumstances?… It is not a sprint – adjustment takes time, as does the recharging of human energy…. It is difficult to address the complexities of the rest of our lives on reduced energy.

‘You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.’ Martin Luther King Jr

4.Minimise the draining. Talking about how you feel, to a family member, friend, health professional or work colleague, or by processing your feelings in your own way can ease the drain on emotional capacity dramatically and lead to the understanding and acceptance of your experiences. Strong unpleasant feelings are natural when we experience unwanted change and we may never have experienced this depth of feeling before. Acceptance doesn’t mean liking the way things are now, but some acknowledgement of what has happened allows us to move, psychologically, in the new circumstances.

‘As long as you’re moving, it’s easier to steer’. Ed Lester

5.Managing the movement. When we experience periods of relative stability in our lives post-bereavement, there are new daily tensions we need to accommodate as best we can, such as handling health anxiety when we live alone. The process of sustaining our energy levels, of caring for ourselves, does not diminish. But we don’t have to be perfect, just enough.

There are many excellent online resources for managing and reducing anxiety and stress and for bringing restorative practices into our lives, such as relaxation techniques, yoga and meditation or mindful practice. You can also look for local organisations that offer bereavement support, talking therapy, befriending, spiritual support /friendship groups. When you feel consistently more energised, you may want to join (or re-join) a gym, golf, cycling or running club or dance studio.

For further support with self-care in bereavement:

www.mariecurie.org.uk

www.mind.org.uk>information>support>bereavement

www.counselling.directory.org

www.cruse.org.uk

For health anxiety support:: www.nhs.uk

Further reading on working with body tension:

The Body Keeps the Score Bessel Van Der Kolk

Penguin Books ISBN 978-0-142-97861-1

Mindfulness for Health: A practical guide to relieving pain, reducing stress and restoring wellbeing Vidyamala Burch and Danny Penman (amazon books, Google Books)

For Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale: https://en.wikipedia.org

Picture by Paula Noyce