Building work is currently in progress at Oakhaven that may impact parking. We recommend you plan additional time before your appointment. Please contact 01590 670346 if you have any queries.

Social

Event: Red Arrows to Wallace and Gromit

by

Join us on March 21st for an evening with cameraman John Oaten, a man with links to Wallace and Gromit and the Red Arrows.

Taking place within our Coates Centre, John will take you on a journey through his career, featuring many anecdotes about his time helping bring Wallace and Gromit to life, to stories about his time taking photos of the phenomenal Red Arrows.

This event is perfect for people with a passion for photography, and for those who want to hear about John’s time working on Hollywood films, as well as hearing more about John’s to capture some of the breath-taking Red Arrow displays as well as much more.

Ticket price is £8 to include a glass of wine or soft drink on arrival. Book your ticket now.

Find out more:

Phone: 01590 613028 email: fundraising@oakhavenhospice.co.uk or visit us online: oakhavenhospice.co.uk/fundraising

Oakhaven’s popular Family Fun Day returns

by

Join Oakhaven for an afternoon of family fun on Saturday 11th September (12noon-4pm) and help to raise money for your local hospice.

Kindly sponsoring the event again this year is John D Woods.

The event sees the return of favourite stalls including the grand raffle with many fantastic prizes to be won, delicious homemade cakes, a great selection of bric-a-brac, hog roast and BBQ provided by The Hog & Lamb Spitroast Company, plus ice creams provided by Brock Ice, bottle tombola, toys, teddies and much more. New activities include the barrow of booze.

“We are excited to welcome back the local community to the hospice,” says Alicia Poulson, Events Fundraiser. “We didn’t want to miss the opportunity to see our supporters at the hospice this year and we are all looking forward to the event. We hope you will be able to join us for a fun-filled day in the gardens and grounds of Oakhaven.”

All funds raised at the Family Fun Day go to support Oakhaven Hospice’s important and free-of-charge services for patients and their loved ones, both in the hospice and in homes throughout the New Forest, Totton and Waterside communities. The pandemic has hit the hospice hard, with income drastically reduced following the cancellation of events and the closure of retail shops during lockdown.

For enquiries about the event, please contact Alicia Poulson on alicia.poulson@oakhavenhospice.co.uk

Anticipatory Grief – What Is It and How Do We Recognise It?

by

 By Mette Nielsen, Counsellor.

Every one of us will be experiencing the loss of a loved one during our lives. Some of us will be carers for a short or a long time due to illness or a life limiting condition. We may experience feelings and emotions which we find distressing and difficult to manage and this is known as ‘anticipatory grief’. Recognising anticipatory grief may help to make the most of the time you have together.

What is Anticipatory Grief?

You may mourn the loss of the person you are caring for even while they are still alive. The grief you are feeling may not only be for the person who is dying but the life you currently lead. Your life and relationships may have changed dramatically when you became a carer. You will have taken on a great responsibility and may find you are no longer able to plan things, which can be stressful and might leave you feeling guilty. You might have fear, anxiety or panic about “What is going to happen next?” and “How will I manage?” which can take a great toll on your mental wellbeing and stability. This may lead you to feeling unable to concentrate or being distracted. These are normal when you experience anticipatory grief.

The process of anticipatory grief is described as three stages:

  • Experiencing shock about the upcoming loss
  • Denying the reality of the loss
  • Eventual acceptance

 

What are the signs of Anticipatory Grief?

Anticipatory grief is a normal part of mourning when someone is expecting a death. The signs of anticipatory grief are similar to the grief we feel after someone has died. You may be feeling a whole host of things like anger, frustration, desperation, depression, anxiety, isolation, panic, insecurity, guilt, shame or even being fed up. These are all normal and natural to feel as part of the process.

Not everyone will experience this or you might feel reluctant to talk about how you feel because you may think that it will take the focus away from the person who is dying. Although you may feel it is inappropriate to say it out loud, you may wish that it was all over. It is also natural to feel like that. It is important to remember that we all experience grief in different ways.

Anticipatory Grief includes some differences to the grief we feel after someone has died, and you might experience the following:

  • Increasing concern for the dying
  • Imagining or visualising what the person’s death will be like
  • Preparing for what life will be like after a loved one is gone
  • Attending to unfinished business with the dying person

 

How can we best use this time?

This time can be particularly helpful for various reasons as it allows time to prepare and time to talk.

  • Allow feelings of grief to help you prepare – understand the stages of grief, how they may affect people differently. Express your feelings through talking to a friend or family member, a counsellor or a spiritual or religious mentor.
  • Educate yourself about what to expect – research a particular illness or condition or read about other people’s experiences and how they have overcome similar difficulties.
  • Connect with others may have similar experiences – contact local support groups or charities. Being able to talk about and share your experience with others who have some understanding will help to reduce stress and feelings of isolation and loneliness.
  • Enlist help and continue to live your life – Reach out to services such as hospices and other healthcare providers for help and advice. They can offer professional support and guidance with additional care, funding, and other financial, medical and psychological support you may need.
  • Include your friends and family- keep them updated on what is going on and don’t forget to ask for help and support from them too.
  • Create moments your loved one can enjoy – looking at photographs, reminiscing of fond memories and telling stories, playing your favourite games, listening to your favourite songs together.

 

You will be experiencing feelings and emotions which may be distressing and difficult to manage, however, you can minimize the anxiety and stress of anticipatory grief by staying physically and mentally healthy.  Here are some helpful practices and you can do whatever you feel works best for you:

  • Manage your stress
  • Be realistic
  • Give yourself credit, not guilt
  • Take a break
  • Eat a healthy diet
  • Accept that there will be changes in your loved one’s health status
  • Know you aren’t alone

 

 

Helplines and information:

www.mind.org.uk

www.cancerresearch.uk

https://www.thegoodgrieftrust.org/need-know-info/pre-bereavement-advice/

Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/stonewall-strong/201908/how-resilient-people-get-through-anticipatory-grief

Hospice UK week

by Leave a Comment

The 7th to 13th October 2019 is Hospice Care week. “Hospice Care Week is our chance to celebrate the amazing work across the UK of more than 200 hospices, who provide help, support and care to over 200,000 patients, carers and families every year.” (Hospice UK, 2019)

I am passionate about hospice care and will continually promote their work because I have seen first-hand how it can make such a huge difference to those whom they support. My story is fairly unique in that I had a long nursing career specialising in palliative care, much of that spent working in hospices but I am now in the situation whereby I am a patient in the palliative stage of my disease. I worked for many years as a Palliative Care Clinical Nurse Specialist (CNS) in the community for St Margaret’s Hospice but took ill health retirement a few years ago because my ovarian cancer recurred and I am now living with advanced, metastatic disease which means my cancer has spread to other parts of my body.

About a year ago I was referred to my local hospice, Oakhaven, for counselling. I felt a huge sense of relief to be referred because I knew that I would be able to access the most amazing support and resources. Hospices are very much about helping people affected by a progressive and life limiting disease to live their best life whether that be patients or their families. I remember the anxiety and fear that a hospice referral created in patients under my care as a Palliative Care CNS but once they understood what it was and what it meant; they felt that same relief as I did myself as a patient.

When most people think of hospice care they think of a building in which people are admitted for end of life care. During my nursing career I heard so many times from patients and their families that they thought the hospice was a place to die but this is only a tiny part of the specialist care that a hospice provides. Of course there are patients who die in a hospice but most of the work they do is about promoting life and living at home which is what I am focusing on today. The way in which they do this is through alleviating distressing symptoms; listening to difficulties that arise and helping to find solutions – where appropriate; giving advice and signposting to services to provide support at home; providing specialist palliative care in the community; providing support to loved ones; offering outpatient services such as day care or clinic appointments; providing physiotherapy and occupational therapy services; acting as an advocate for those needing it; providing peer support; just being there at the end of the phone on bad days, and so much more. Hospice services are very much about providing the care and support that each individual person needs and that can differ greatly.

Most of the support that patients and their families receive is in their own homes but there are occasions when admission to a hospice in-patient unit is appropriate. Most admissions to a unit are to alleviate very complex symptoms that are incredibly difficult to manage at home because of the need for continual assessment and adjustment of treatment. Once symptoms become more stable most patients will go back home. It wouldn’t be unusual for a patient to have several admissions throughout the palliative phase of their disease but the goal will always be to stabilise them in order for them to continue living the best life they can at home. Whether patients are admitted for specialist palliative care or end of life care, they will find themselves in a place where there is such attention to detail, kindness, respect and love that it feels like an escape from the world. I know when I need more support that the local hospice will be a sanctuary for me and my family whether the support is via community services or in-patient. So this week I salute all hospices and I urge everyone to support your local hospice because without them I know life for many would be unbearable.

Diane Evans-Wood
1st October, 2019