Tanya Baddeley

Sonia and Garry's story

"My husband Garry was a wonderful, wonderful man. He was a proud father to our three boys and loved spending time with our eight grandchildren. We were so happy together for the whole of our lives. When he came into Oakhaven it was just a few weeks before our golden wedding anniversary.

It all happened so quickly – and was a huge shock. Garry was never ill, had never taken a day off work in 45 years, was always active, out and about. Two years after moving to our dream bungalow in New Milton, he suddenly started to feel really lethargic. The GP took a blood test but didn’t think it was serious. One evening we were just sitting at home on the sofa when Garry collapsed and I had to call an ambulance.

He was rushed into hospital – and that’s when they discovered the stomach cancer (which they said is really hard to detect). The doctor said Garry might have a month or so to live, a little more if he had chemotherapy, which would make him feel awful. Garry was very clear, he said he wanted to spend his final days feeling the best he could, with his family – so he turned down the treatment.

Garry came home – and I looked after him the best I could. I had help from nurses who would come in, but every day he was a bit worse – until it was clear I just couldn’t cope any more. I told the nurses there was no way I would let him go back into hospital and they suggested Oakhaven Hospice. The very next day a bed became available and they welcomed Garry in.

The care he received there was just astonishing.

There wasn’t a detail missed, not a moment without a nurse just checking Garry was OK, he was comfortable, his pillows were just right. We had all the family come in to visit him, he was never on his own – and they looked after us too. It was July, so it was warm; we would open the doors out to the garden to let in fresh air and so Garry could see out.

When Garry died he was peaceful, not in pain and we were there with him. In our loss, the memories we have of our time with him are such a comfort.

It’s only when you’ve seen this for yourself that you realise how incredibly lucky we are to have this amazing hospice to look after the people we love.

Oakhaven was 100% the right place for Garry to be and the expertise of the staff is second to none. The facilities are wonderful – but we did recognise that his room could do with a refresh and modernisation. So, we were really thrilled when the nursing team showed us the refurbishment plans (I come in every month with cake for the team!).

My son Joe has been organising some fundraising with our family and friends – and so far we’ve raised over £13,000 for the hospice. It’s inspiring for us to raise money in Garry’s memory; next year, I’ve even said I’m going to do a parachute jump! It’s comforting to know the money we bring in will help them to welcome another family like ours.

I hope everyone will realise how important it is that we support Oakhaven – and give to the summer appeal – because you never know when you might need them to look after someone you love."

Sonia